Back Forward DEAR FOZ…………….(agony column)

Dear Foz,
I need help. I have a feeling that I am beginning to lose my grip on my principles. Lately I have been getting the impression that pupils are beginning to look interested during lessons. At first I dismissed this assuming that I must have bored them through the barrier of unconsciousness, and into some inane state of apparent interest… but now I fear that it is me who is causing this, and, God forbid, I am becoming interesting. Yesterday I heard three laughs during a double lesson, and I had fifteen seconds of casual conversation with my fifth form set before I realised what I was doing, and quickly resumed the tedium. I am frightened, and can't help thinking that even my method of teaching organic chemistry (so often acclaimed as shear, ecstatic boredom by my colleagues) has taken on an air of interest. What shall I do? Perhaps I should commit suicide, but that seems a little extravagant for my profession, and anyway, heaven might turn out to be exciting, and that would kill me.

Please help me Foz....
A. Chemistryteacher.

Dear A.C.,
Try a crash course in economics teaching….Bound to cure you!


Dear Foz,
I accepted an invitation to the Duke of York's fifth form dance, which you printed in your column a few weeks ago, and sent my first form girls to make up numbers. Unfortunately, they now tell me that they do not want to go again, because they say they are too old for such a gathering. I fear that I may not be able to help you again, as my youngest girls here are eleven. I am sorry…..I can only suggest that you try Guston Primary School.

A.Headmistress, Dover Grammar School for Girls.

Dear Head,
Thanks for your letter. We may take your advice, but we already have an excellent connection with the Maternity Ward of Canterbury Hospital.


Dear Foz,
My Sunday evenings are becoming a long charade.

A.Headswife.

Dear A.H.,
Yes…..It's just like my Sunday mornings.


Dear Foz,
Last week a hole appeared in my face. I consulted a medical dictionary and all the symptoms point to one terrible conclusion. I think I…….smiled. Yes it's true, it can't be anything else. The condition has not persisted, but I live in permanent fear of a second coming of the grin. Is this ever likely to happen? Help me Foz!

A.Welligogtutor.

Dear A.W.,
Hurry to A.Chemistryteacher; he can innoculate you against further grin attacks with a double dose of his special inorganic chemistry lesson. I had the same condition, but I did not see anyone about it, and it left me with an embarrassing, silly, residual laugh.


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