"He said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your
trouser legs and put it in a library.'
I thought "That's a turn-up for the books."
"And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people
were chucking money to him.
I said 'Do you earn a living doing
that?'
He said 'Yes, this is my livelihood.'
"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"
"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.
They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So
that was nice."
"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy
an ice-cream'.
He said Hundreds & thousands?'
I said 'We'll start with one.'
He said 'Knickerbocker glory?'
I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.'
He said 'To camp?', I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.'
I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.'
He said 'Camper?' I said [camply]'Make your mind up.'
So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died.'"
"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one
I was in went back and forwards.
I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'"
"So I got home, and the phone was ringing.
I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are.'"
"So I rang up my local swimming baths.
I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'
He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
"So I rang up a local building firm,
I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
"Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin."
"So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again.' And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?' And I said 'I careered off the road.'
See Lesley's previous Joke of the Week.
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